Stick a pin in it: Brielle turns 33 and Mothers Day comes

3 days after Ivy's birthday is my birthday. I wasn't going to decorate or have a cake or anything but the kids were so excited for me. Almost more excited than they get for their own birthdays. So John and I decorated and I made myself some homemade oreos to eat with them before they went off to school.

John even got me a present which I was not expecting since we'd planned a busy day together as my present.
We all know though that this Galaxy Tab is more for them than for me. I mean check out Jacks face:

Then my parents arrived and John and I left. My parents give me the gift of a day off every year and there isn't anything in the world that would mean more to me I think. I love being able to have uninterrupted conversation with John and take our time doing things and eating and laughing. The day flew by way to fast though and just before dark we found ourselves swimming in this crater up in Midway. It was so fun. Quiet and relaxing. They give you a snorkel and goggles so my favorite thing to do was just lay face first down the water and breathe. Just thinking about it makes me all relaxed. Ahhhhhhhhh.

Such a wonderful birthday. My John really kills it every year and I always feel so spoiled by the end of it.

The only problem though is that just 2 days later is Mothers day and my family, bless their hearts, have worn out all of their selfless service on me. I had to keep reminding everyone all day that today is Mothers Day so I won't be bothered with that problem, or ouchie, or need today. After church we went over to my moms and had catered Costa Vida Salads. I didn't even realize you could do this but my brother ordered all the meat and beans and rice and dressing the day before and we just assembled them right there. So no mom had to cook or prepare anything. Genius!!

We even got the Key Lime Pie, and Flan, and Tres Leches for dessert. This is a horrible picture but the only one we got of the moms that day.

Sometimes, when a couple kids are off somewhere or at school and the house is quiet and clean and I look around and think, what would it be like if it was like this all the time? What if I didn't have constant piles of laundry covering the basement floor and what if I didn't have to shush a baby pulling on my legs while I'm trying to finish dinner or what if I was able to sleep in as long as I wanted with out kids covering my bed and floor begging and pleading for me to get up already and MAKE US FOOD!!!

Honestly, most of the time that sounds pretty amazing. I've never claimed to be a natural at this and my selfish nature makes this whole thing kinda the pits sometimes. But after about an hour or so of my quiet clean house I start to feel that pull for them again. Even when we had that day off for my birthday, after a couple hours we started talking about them. Wondering what they were doing or if Lottie had gotten off to school ok and if Wren was able to get a nap.

As ill suited as I feel for motherhood it has become who I am.

I am that mom at the store with a baby on my hip, pushing the cart with my other hand, with one kid standing out front on top of the paper towels like the caption of the ship and another under the cart terrifying everyone we pass because "she'll absolutely squish her fingers down there!" "I know, she already has, she still wants to be down there, ok?"

I am the mom at the park who gets nudged by some stranger asking, "is that your son over there peeing on that pole?" To which I of course I answered "Ew, no!" Then sneaked Charlie and the other kids to the van as quickly as possible.

But these people are mine. They are loud and smart and funny and messy and mine. They are everything I've ever dreamed of and hoped for and worked towards and it's not always happy but it's real. Honestly, I wouldn't trade them in for a clean quiet house. How boring. Honestly, I'm a little concerned about who I will be when I don't have 5 tiny people screaming at me all the time. If that has become my identity now out of necessity what will happen to me when they all move on from me.

Yikes, I'll have to get a hobby or worse, a job!