Here's the thing, I've always wanted a big family. I'm talking wall to wall kids. My husband and I both come from big families (granted both of our mothers started at 19) and we want our kids to have that same kind of crazy, chaotic, exciting upbringing. I love that my kids have 23 aunts and uncles and 24(and counting) cousins. After I had Jack I couldn't wait to have another baby. By his first birthday I was almost 3 months pregnant with Lottie. So Lottie's birthday is next month and to be completely honest I'm just not feeling it. I'm feeling pretty tapped out at the moment with the two of them. I can't imagine having another one........... um ever.But then there are moments in between the screaming matches and the fighting when they are sooooooo cute.
Another totally selfish and superficial thing I'm trying to get over is the fact that last year at this time I was enormous with a missile shaped mid section. Don't believe me?
Is it horrible to say that I'm enjoying having a not pregnant body? I love being able to sleep all night and bend down to get things and eat chocolate right before bed and never ever get heartburn and fit into all my tight clothes.
I know that the blessing of having a baby outweighs the discomfort of pregnancy a million to one and I also know that I am so very blessed to be able to have children.
But seriously though---to all you mothers, how do you have another baby when you feel so worn out with the ones you have?
20 comments:
No advice, but I hear ya. With our situation right now I think, "why would I want to have another child just to turn around and put the little thing into daycare in three months?" Bah!
I'm not a mother but can I say...Why are you giving yourself such a guilt trip. I think those are very normal feelings. Give yourself time. If you are feeling exhausted then probably its not the time for you to be pregnant again. Hello! Heavenly father didn't say multiply and replenish at the cost of your sanity. It's only been a year. All I can say is what is the rush. Your opinion could change in a year, month, or week. No one's putting the pressure on you but you. So relax. I think you are a great mom and wife no matter the number. except as to the number of husbands. That should remain at one.
I'm with you. I wanted 5 when I was first married. Then after Ella I said 4, then after mailee I said three (sometimes - depends on the day i'm good with what I have :D).
Totally bugs me that people keep asking if I'm pregnant since apparently it's "my time" now that Mailee is 2 1/2. didn't' know there was a 'time" to have another one.
I'll be honest and say that we'll be pregnant sooner rather than later (wink, wink) but for sure done after that.
don't rush. don't feel guilty. do what you know you can handle and do it when you're all in.
I don't understand how women can keep having them every other year. Everyone says that the 3rd is the hardest and I agree. I even spaced my 3rd 6 years after the 2nd (Not on purpose) and I'm struggling. Having 3 is like a juggling act. I read a study that says the more space between your kids, the smarter they are (More one on one time with Mom and Dad). Zak and Maddie are both at the top of their classes, so the study has been true for us. You are still young, so enjoy what you have now and give them all of your attention and devotion.
I'm totally in your boat. Only, instead of just getting a second child, God blessed us with a third at the same time. I'm pulling my hair out all day long. I seriously love them but OH MY HEAVENS it is so hard. I originally wanted 5 kids (like Erica said) but I think I'll just coast for a bit until I have all of the kids I have potty trained and at least in pre-school before I'll worry about having more. That's why we're on 2 forms of birth control (TMI)--I can't take anymore crying (from them AND me)!!!! Cause really, it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks. It's about what's best for our family, my sanity, and the Lord's timing.
I love my six stupid kids. ;)
Ummm...you don't! That is the problem I have. I cant get myself to want another child when you have to go through pregnancy to get one, and I find two so overwhelming!
We are the same as Erica 5,4,3, now 2! I am happy with two I just want to make sure that I don't regret having more!
With only one child and a second on the way (16 months apart) I already know that I want to wait much longer between this one and the next, if there is a next. Just wait until you're ready. If you have another one just because you feel like you need to get all your kids born into your family before your a certain age, or the oldest is a certain, or whatever, then you'll have a much harder time enjoying them and enjoying the new baby. And that's what new babies are for--enjoying. (Besides, what if you went ahead and jumped the gun and got pregnant, then had twins?! Ack!)
Boy, you really struck a nerve with a lot of people. My only thought was that Lottie and Jack will be 9 months older, or more, by the time you have another one. You will be in a different stage at that point (not necessarily better or worse, just different). So, don't assume that your life will always be like it is today. Just do what is right for you and your family.
Incidentally, Leon wanted to have a big family after being raised with just him and his brother and seeing all the fun your family always had. But, after having a couple of his own kids, he's changed his mind. I think to him, four is a big family. It's all relative, I guess. Four seems like a small family to me since I'm from a family of 7 kids. Enjoy the time you have with your little ones. It's sad to say, but two of my kids that are 2 years apart are the ones I remember the least about as babies. It makes me sad to see a picture of cute baby Cameron and not remember much. Spacing is such a tricky, personal thing. You will figure it out.
Just for the record, I don't think that Kier and Robyn's kids are stupid. I think they are lucky to have so many kids and the patience to handle them all and I think they have done a remarkable job. Most people are not like Kier and Robyn and would not be able to handle 6 kids (me being one of them). It just goes to show that how many kids you have is a personal decision. Brielle, I have seen you with your kids and I can say that I have never seen a more nurturing and loving mother. Your kids are lucky to have you and you will do great with any number of kids.
This is an interesting discussion you've started. I think there are so many factors that determine when and how many to have. I hear people saying to have them all then be done or space them and "enjoy" them. I always planned on getting married at 20 and having 6. Since I had my first at 30 plans changed, now our plan is to take it day by day.
Hi Brielle, I'm back from my hiatus and it's so great to catch up on all of you. Your kids are so cute, I can't wait for August to give them a hug from their Auntie Robyn! For the baby thing, it will all work out. No need to stress over it or even have it all worked out because life happens.
I feel your pain. I love to be able to not have 10 pounds of weight in my face and cankles. (hope you know what those are) I will say that I am on my 3rd and have enjoyed her the most I think you learn to relax a little more and be okay with a hectic life. But as my dad would say if you have kids as cute as yours you just can't stop! Just know that everything is going to be just great!
I can't imagine two right now. I am busy with the one. But don't stress yourself out and take your time. You don't need to pop them out as fast as you can. Wait until you are really ready!
Wow---I really did hit on someting didn't I?
When I asked my husband what he thought about all this he said "well, let's just crank out 2 or 3 more and be done with it." Isn't that such a man thing to say? It's not a bad idea though. I don't think there is anything wrong with stopping at two, but I know that's not what I supposed to do. We both just have that feeling like there are a few more waiting for me to get with it.
Another thing is I always thought that kids would get easier as they get older but I'm starting to wonder if they actaully get harder. Is that true?
My two cents are this: you are young, there is no rush, you've got a good 12 years of child-bearing left; you'll know when the time is right for the next baby; Heavenly Father is in charge of it all; you are normal to enjoy having a non-pregnant body - live it up; babies are only babies once; and finally, wouldn't it be nice to have no diaper changing for awhile?!? Oh, and p.s. I concur with Mandy: only 1 husband! ;-)
I'm so going to do a post about this on my blog and see the responses...because we're trying to decide on the whole should we or shouldn't we? :)
Oh gosh I don't even know where to start!!! I'm 28 and I have 5 kids...it would be 6 but we had an unfortunate miscarriage at 13 weeks between #3 and #4. My first 3 kids were all within 18 months of eachother...my first 4 would've been that way..but then the miscarriage so we have almost 3 years between #3 & #4 and 2 1/2 years between #4 & #5...are you following any of this?? Basically what I just said is I have 5 kids under the age of 9 and we'd like just one more. Sure it's been hard, sure it drives me nuts some days, and kids and schedules can be hard to juggle but I wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING. I'm happiest surrounded by my family and my kids are very happy, well rounded, wonderful children. (Oh, and the 3 that are in school are at the top of their class...Ashlynne is in Gifted "Speed" classes...just sayin)
This is what works for my me and my husband. For our family. BUT that being said I don't think it's for everyone. Starting and growing your family is a very personal decision. One that you and your spouse make with the help and guidance of your Heavenly Father. Some people have one, some people have 8, some people adopt 2 or 3 or 4. It's just a very, very personal decision and it doesn't matter how many you have or how you got them there as long as there is love in your home and in your heart. And I know Lottie and Jack surely feel that.
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