I just found this picture of us. John's sister took it when we got engaged. I remember so vividly this time and how it felt. We spent the first 6 months of our relationship in different states and I remember sitting in the airplane waiting to get off with hands shaking from nervous excitement at the thought of seeing him again. I remember having the worst stats of anyone at my little Portland data entry job because we would text message each other all day long. (we averaged 2500 texts a month) We would just sit around all day basking in our love.Yesterday I spent the day cooped up in the house cleaning up "accidents". I had two little faces peering into my shower while I was trying to relax. Two little voices crying my name for two straight hours while they were supposed to be taking naps. When John came home I was just mad and I wasn't very nice to him. I'm sure he had a hard day too but I didn't ask him because I didn't care.
Sometimes I really wish that first in love kind of feeling back, but I also wonder--would that "just engaged" John be able to love me through the "I can turn on you in a minute" pregnant version of me? Would he be able to handle the time I had the flu and I threw up all over him. Or on a particularly stressful day 2 weeks after we moved here when Jack fell down the stairs and I called him at work and told him that I hate it here and why did he drag me all the way across the country a million miles from anyone who cares about me. (that was mean)
No, it's definitely different now but it's better. It's home.
